It has been a while since my last article on this particular blog. And I do feel that I have hurt the reader's feelings by not keeping them up to date. So here is a list of the top ten facts I have given you over the past few months.
1. Elephants suck
2. They think we suck too
3. Indian elephants are too afraid to attack.
4. African elephants can and will control human thoughts.
5. It is unclear when they will attack because they can't swim.
6. African elephants live in Africa, mostly.
7. Once they get to America, the destruction will be inevitable.
8. The Great Depression was cause directly and indirectly by Elephants.
9. My sources are not backed by anything but gut feeling.
10. "Operation Dumbo Drop" was derived from a story told through the ages. A prophecy of giant mammals from the sky, that would come down from the heavens, and leave tusk induced carnage wherever they land.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Rumors
It is supposedly true that elephants indeed have a taste for human blood. That part has been proven by cold hard fiction writing... But just how dangerous are these giants to our human civilization? New technology has been developed strichly for this study; and it has been found that elephants from Africa actually contain carcinogens in the radiation emmisions they let off from their tusks. This is only one of the reasons we need to outlaw all human contact with these fowl swine.
I also fear that a group of these creatures, known as the "Mammales Terriables," also might be linked to the Great Depression. Few people actually know this truth; but my three faithful listeners (or readers if you're from America) now have the obligation to educate the people of this planet. In the early 1930's the price of ivory skyrocketed directly related to the healthcare rise at this time. This was not, in fact, because of all the research invested in new forms of anesthesia that were in production. It was because of innoculations from elephant tusks administered without the consent of the Americans soldiers stationed in eurasia.
I could go more into detail but by now you are so far at the edge of your seat, I don't want you to fall off. This is all too much to take in at one time. I'm tired, so very tired, of worrying today. If I have inspired you to join in the Elephant Awareness, I wish you would email this blog to at least two friends. Hopefully this 100% truthfull post will open peoples eyes to the dangers of African Elephants finally.
(all information in this blog has not been properly cited or sourced, and is thereby, in no way backed up by scientist, or doctors... or economists.)
I also fear that a group of these creatures, known as the "Mammales Terriables," also might be linked to the Great Depression. Few people actually know this truth; but my three faithful listeners (or readers if you're from America) now have the obligation to educate the people of this planet. In the early 1930's the price of ivory skyrocketed directly related to the healthcare rise at this time. This was not, in fact, because of all the research invested in new forms of anesthesia that were in production. It was because of innoculations from elephant tusks administered without the consent of the Americans soldiers stationed in eurasia.
I could go more into detail but by now you are so far at the edge of your seat, I don't want you to fall off. This is all too much to take in at one time. I'm tired, so very tired, of worrying today. If I have inspired you to join in the Elephant Awareness, I wish you would email this blog to at least two friends. Hopefully this 100% truthfull post will open peoples eyes to the dangers of African Elephants finally.
(all information in this blog has not been properly cited or sourced, and is thereby, in no way backed up by scientist, or doctors... or economists.)
Friday, March 19, 2010
Elephriday Question
It's everyone's favorite time again! Last week I was in St. Louis visiting a friend so I was not near a computer to leave a Blog. Though last week I was unable to post a question this week I have put a lot of thought into my revealing situation.
What if you woke up as you normally do, maybe you hit the alarm and gave yourself five extra minutes, and still in your half asleep stupor you hear what sounds like a muffled knock at your door. Suppose you walk through the kitchen, and open the front door to find a slimy, unkempt, mammal that I will not mention the name of trying to sell you on the idea of an instrument. The only thing is the keys of this instrument are made of human bones... oooooo, spooky.
Discuss
What if you woke up as you normally do, maybe you hit the alarm and gave yourself five extra minutes, and still in your half asleep stupor you hear what sounds like a muffled knock at your door. Suppose you walk through the kitchen, and open the front door to find a slimy, unkempt, mammal that I will not mention the name of trying to sell you on the idea of an instrument. The only thing is the keys of this instrument are made of human bones... oooooo, spooky.
Discuss
Friday, March 5, 2010
Elephriday Question Time
That's right back by popular demand, it's Elephriday Question time. These questions are not meant to focus on either side of your brain in particular, they are meant for you to sit back read, and re-read the situation and become one with you instincts to protect your loved ones from venemous elephant attacks.
Question 3:
If you were sitting at a poker table, with a hippo, a guy from the wild west, a convicted killer, and yes... an elephant, who would be the first to shoot you for dealing from the bottom of the deck? Talk amongst yourselves.
Question 3:
If you were sitting at a poker table, with a hippo, a guy from the wild west, a convicted killer, and yes... an elephant, who would be the first to shoot you for dealing from the bottom of the deck? Talk amongst yourselves.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Elephriday Question 2
It's everyone's favorite time of the week... The hard hitting questions about nothing really that concerns everyday life.
The question of the week is; Have you ever been to the zoo, to see the elephants, and noticed as you gave them eye contact, they seemed to avoid prolonged exposure? I bet its because they know we are on to them.
The question of the week is; Have you ever been to the zoo, to see the elephants, and noticed as you gave them eye contact, they seemed to avoid prolonged exposure? I bet its because they know we are on to them.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
The Legend Continued
Out from the cave came a bull elephant that had the look of a leader. Mugsly was not a bad judge of character, though he often times felt people misjudged his character. When the main elephant stood before his herd, each took it's turn bowing in a sign of respect to the elder. This alpha had distinct markings under it's eyes, he had to be at least sixty. Mugsly got this impression not just because of the massive size tusks it adorn, one being much smaller, but by the aging in it's eyes. This elephant had seen things that no other creature among them had the chance yet to.
From behind his rock hiding spot, Mugsly could not see every detail of what was taking place, but his ears were hearing what he felt he understood. The trumpet bawl that came from the lead elephant had an underlining he understood as his native language. "The human races have destroyed our land for cultivating pfft their food, and have killed four of our brothers pfft," belted the lead bull. Mugsly knew this was not a place that many humans had seen, at least without ending up dead. He kept his breaths shallow, and closed his eyes in hopes that this would make him less there.
This ended up being in vain because as he put focus on one individual noise he was making he disregarded the fact that he was not looking at the surrounding jungle. He had become the target of a wild boar, which was known to be very aggressive and territorial. It seems Mugsly had claimed a rock that the boar used for grubs, and it wanted it's spot back. Mugsly had assumed that the lack of outside noise meant that there would be no nearby wild life. How did this animal not heed this same warning.
The boar let out a shrill and made to charge Mugsly. "Not now, stupid animal," he thought and he grabbed the nearest stick and stood ready for the attack, still partially hidden by the rock that outweighed him. He slammed the stick against the floor in hopes to intimidate the animal, as this was a custom way to deal with these animals in his village. The boar did not seem at all bothered. Mugsly swung at the pig but barely diverted the animals path. Within seconds of being pummeled into the rock behind him he blacked out from shock and the air being knocked out of him.
From behind his rock hiding spot, Mugsly could not see every detail of what was taking place, but his ears were hearing what he felt he understood. The trumpet bawl that came from the lead elephant had an underlining he understood as his native language. "The human races have destroyed our land for cultivating pfft their food, and have killed four of our brothers pfft," belted the lead bull. Mugsly knew this was not a place that many humans had seen, at least without ending up dead. He kept his breaths shallow, and closed his eyes in hopes that this would make him less there.
This ended up being in vain because as he put focus on one individual noise he was making he disregarded the fact that he was not looking at the surrounding jungle. He had become the target of a wild boar, which was known to be very aggressive and territorial. It seems Mugsly had claimed a rock that the boar used for grubs, and it wanted it's spot back. Mugsly had assumed that the lack of outside noise meant that there would be no nearby wild life. How did this animal not heed this same warning.
The boar let out a shrill and made to charge Mugsly. "Not now, stupid animal," he thought and he grabbed the nearest stick and stood ready for the attack, still partially hidden by the rock that outweighed him. He slammed the stick against the floor in hopes to intimidate the animal, as this was a custom way to deal with these animals in his village. The boar did not seem at all bothered. Mugsly swung at the pig but barely diverted the animals path. Within seconds of being pummeled into the rock behind him he blacked out from shock and the air being knocked out of him.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Elephriday Question 1
I decided that once a week that you as my loyal follower get the opportunity to exercise your knowlege of swine... er I mean African Elephants.
Question 1: How many seconds would it take for a bull elephant to subdue you and have it's way with your body?
Question 1: How many seconds would it take for a bull elephant to subdue you and have it's way with your body?
Monday, February 15, 2010
The Legend of the Hybrid....
It is from my understanding that of several of the facts posted on the elephants, the one thing that is considered a misconception is that African Elephants do not tame well. Though there are instances where people have put this species of elephant in the zoo or circus, this is merely a cover up. It sickens me to say that some of my fellow man are in league with these giant killers. Obviously they do not know the magnitude of what they are doing by bringing these creatures to different countries and letting people gain comfort in their presence. I also read that at one time these traitors tried to breed the gentle Indian Elephant with the a bull of the name "Jumbolina." The name causes shivers down my spine.
I do not know what they were thinking, in 1978 at Chester Zoo, but two weeks after the birth of the hybrid "Motty," the baby elephant died. This was a sad moment in the history of the land mammals. I know you are thinking I have a heart black as coal when talking about the African Elephant, this is true. But the young baby was a cross-breed so half of me reports this to you with great sorrow. For maybe one day Motty could have led the human race in the epic battle against his father Jumbolina. If time had written its story correctly, young Motty would have slain his father in vengeance of his mother's death. He would have charged his father off a cliff into a body of water so deep his resurrection would be unattainable.
I do not know what they were thinking, in 1978 at Chester Zoo, but two weeks after the birth of the hybrid "Motty," the baby elephant died. This was a sad moment in the history of the land mammals. I know you are thinking I have a heart black as coal when talking about the African Elephant, this is true. But the young baby was a cross-breed so half of me reports this to you with great sorrow. For maybe one day Motty could have led the human race in the epic battle against his father Jumbolina. If time had written its story correctly, young Motty would have slain his father in vengeance of his mother's death. He would have charged his father off a cliff into a body of water so deep his resurrection would be unattainable.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Establishing Credibility
At this point in following these entries in order, it is my assumption that the reader has a series of questions and/or doubts about the material. The reader will most likely be thinking that the writer of these blogs has an overactive imagination. They might also assume that the use of Wikipedia and such sources cannot be a valid way to research this material. It is with great regret that I admit that in my whole educational career I have only taken one creative writing course, (Gen Ed), so thus it is quite obvious that I don't have the sheer imagination to create a taradiddle analysis of an animal that is otherwise considered merely territorial and not in fact after human suffering.
Maybe the author has only seen an Elephant in a zoo setting twice in his or her life. Perhaps paranoia is an option when one looks at how the sheer mechanics of a total pacadermal global takeover may or may not occur. I want to assure you as the reader that what I lack in "reliable information," and "proper use of adjectives," I make up in basic understanding of reading comprehension and basic computer knowledge. So in closing I want to remind the reader to hang in there, because they are about to have their minds blown.
Maybe the author has only seen an Elephant in a zoo setting twice in his or her life. Perhaps paranoia is an option when one looks at how the sheer mechanics of a total pacadermal global takeover may or may not occur. I want to assure you as the reader that what I lack in "reliable information," and "proper use of adjectives," I make up in basic understanding of reading comprehension and basic computer knowledge. So in closing I want to remind the reader to hang in there, because they are about to have their minds blown.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
The Legend of Jumbalina
Daybreak cleared the canopy of trees one morning in the year 1877. The mid-summer wind escaped the convolution of mother nature surrounding the outer boundaries of the dwarf Pygmy village. This day started like most in this part of the central African forest referred to as the Congo. The Batwa people did not cultivate any plants in the communal area. The women managed the huts, the men traveled sometimes for days to bring back enough food to hopefully ration for a few days survival.
This particular hot summer day Mugsly, a young bottom dog boy, left his family hut in search of something more. Maybe he was tired of the monotony everyday life or just going through the part of puberty where he believed he knew better than his parents. So as his fellow tribe continued in their endeavors to survive, Mugsly set out unnoticed towards a direction of wilderness forbidden to him and his kind for reasons he did not know. All he knew for sure was that the crux would certainly be more entertaining than tracking wild boar.
Hours after Mugsly, (not Mowgli), had found a feasible egress into the uncharted woods, he found that the constant chirping and white noise had all but stopped. He took no warning from this and soon found a mountain blocked his immediate path. With one hand using the rock wall as support Mugsly made way along the ridge to find a way through. Just when he felt like the time to give up and make the undesirable trek home, Mugsly came upon an opening in both the forest and the wall of the mountain. He would have been overjoyed but for the terror of seeing such an unusual gathering of bull elephants.
The sheer size of the herd was not the most peculiar part of this sight. The creatures were standing almost in a perfect semi circle facing the mouth of the cave. Mixed with fear and disillusion of what he was looking at, Mugsly quickly made the nearest tree his hiding spot. Why he did not leave them be was anyone's guess. But this was what made him such a stubborn child in the first place, the sheer lack of reasoning behind his decisions. Not a minute after he hid himself, a shaking like nothing he had felt before took place. And he realized what these Elephant were in fact waiting for. A shadow grew larger from inside the cave with each thump of force laid on the land.....
This particular hot summer day Mugsly, a young bottom dog boy, left his family hut in search of something more. Maybe he was tired of the monotony everyday life or just going through the part of puberty where he believed he knew better than his parents. So as his fellow tribe continued in their endeavors to survive, Mugsly set out unnoticed towards a direction of wilderness forbidden to him and his kind for reasons he did not know. All he knew for sure was that the crux would certainly be more entertaining than tracking wild boar.
Hours after Mugsly, (not Mowgli), had found a feasible egress into the uncharted woods, he found that the constant chirping and white noise had all but stopped. He took no warning from this and soon found a mountain blocked his immediate path. With one hand using the rock wall as support Mugsly made way along the ridge to find a way through. Just when he felt like the time to give up and make the undesirable trek home, Mugsly came upon an opening in both the forest and the wall of the mountain. He would have been overjoyed but for the terror of seeing such an unusual gathering of bull elephants.
The sheer size of the herd was not the most peculiar part of this sight. The creatures were standing almost in a perfect semi circle facing the mouth of the cave. Mixed with fear and disillusion of what he was looking at, Mugsly quickly made the nearest tree his hiding spot. Why he did not leave them be was anyone's guess. But this was what made him such a stubborn child in the first place, the sheer lack of reasoning behind his decisions. Not a minute after he hid himself, a shaking like nothing he had felt before took place. And he realized what these Elephant were in fact waiting for. A shadow grew larger from inside the cave with each thump of force laid on the land.....
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Section 2 Taste for blood
So, let's take a step away from what is known and look at the facts about this subject with an open mind. "You mean to tell me that humans have never made African Elephants their tamed pet?" Why are Indian Elephants so docile in comparison to their larger cousins? Is there something that the history books with "facts" in them are trying to keep a secret? The truth is hard to say but I'm banking on African Elephants coveting full control of mankind.
I know what you might be thinking; "But African Elephants can't swim across any of the oceans that separate the world from Africa." Maybe that is true but what if they invade the country of Africa, (thank you Sara Palin,) I am sure these pacaderms can and will convince any ship owner to let them commandeer their boat. I mean it can't be much harder than convincing another human being that African Elephants are out for their blood...
I know what you might be thinking; "But African Elephants can't swim across any of the oceans that separate the world from Africa." Maybe that is true but what if they invade the country of Africa, (thank you Sara Palin,) I am sure these pacaderms can and will convince any ship owner to let them commandeer their boat. I mean it can't be much harder than convincing another human being that African Elephants are out for their blood...
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Section 1: The Start of the End
It was unclear to me, the danger we face in society until just recently. It all happened when I was hanging out with some friends and stumbled upon a fact that would change the fabric of what is nonfiction, and what is merely a veil over the hidden truth. "Indian elephants can be domesticized, but their African cousins have not ever been trained by men." When I read this aloud, I had no idea a harmless fact would soon unfold a dark secret...
The African elephant, or "Loxodonta" (Greek for oblique-sided tooth), was once believed to be discovered by Georges Cuvier, in 1825. George Cuvier, a French naturalist and zoologist, is most famous for his 1817 book "The Animal Kingdom." Sadly the author died of Cholera in 1832, just seven years after discovering the most vile creatures to ever roam this rock now referred to as Earth. But this was just the start of the "unexplainable incidents" that would occur. I'm not implying that the creatures gave Mr. Cuvier Cholera, but it does sound fishy, does it not?
The African elephant, or "Loxodonta" (Greek for oblique-sided tooth), was once believed to be discovered by Georges Cuvier, in 1825. George Cuvier, a French naturalist and zoologist, is most famous for his 1817 book "The Animal Kingdom." Sadly the author died of Cholera in 1832, just seven years after discovering the most vile creatures to ever roam this rock now referred to as Earth. But this was just the start of the "unexplainable incidents" that would occur. I'm not implying that the creatures gave Mr. Cuvier Cholera, but it does sound fishy, does it not?
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